Star Wars Episode III: The Empire Strikes
by Nikko42
Summary: After all, how couyld they strike back if they never struck in the first place?


STAR WARS: EPISODE III  
  
THE EMPIRE'S STRIKE (after all, how could they strike back if they never struck?)  
  
As he looked out the ship's view hole, hunky sensation Anakin Skywalker flexed his mechanical arm; the one he hated. The one that was given to him by Count Dooku. What a bastard, thought Anakin. As Anakin entered his dormitory, he heard a creaking noise. It was C-3PO, the droid Anakin had started in his childhood days as a slave on Tatooine. "Anakin, come here please." Came the call of the master's voice. Obi- Wan was the Jedi who taught Anakin everything he knew about things like the "Force". Anakin hurried into the cockpit and listened as the droid unit known as R2-D2 bleeped and beeped. "Those censor droids are really annoying sometimes. It's like all they do is swear, really." Anakin remarked. "So, what's up?" "It seems that a big space cruiser is coming and is going to blow up Coruscant if we don't bravely save the day by finding out the plot and stopping them and winning in a final lightsaber duel, you know?" Obi-Wan answered. Just then the ship rocked, then again, and again. "We've been struck by some sort of enemy ship that would probably have destroyed us if we weren't the main characters of the story that keep the plot going and the audience on it's feet. Shields Up, now!!!" "Yes, master." Anakin didn't really care, considering all he thought was important was the fact that millions of girls around the world loved him. He casually pressed the button entitled "SHIELDS UP" and sat back in his chair and dozed off. "Anakin this is not the time for you to go to sleep you're defying the script and if we weren't the main characters you would be dead by now but since we the main characters we won't die but still, I need you're help. I suck at this, remember? You're the pilot." Anakin still wouldn't get up. Needs more motivation, thought Obi- Wan. "People think it's cool when you fly the ship and save the day, remember? All your fans will fall even more in love with you if you fly us to safety." Anakin got up at lightspeed, took the controls, and in mere seconds, out maneuvered the enemies. "There, happy?" Anakin said. He huffed a little and closed his eyes to keep up his whole "tough guy hunky sensation" look. Satisfied, he turned back into his dormitory and walked away.  
  
On the planet of Naboo, Padme Amidala looked into the stars. Where is Anakin, she thought. Just then her house exploded into a giant fireball, and then it blew up. As her house exploded, it detonated. "Oh my god my house is blowing up into a giant fireball," said Padme, as it exploded and detonated and blew up. BOOM! "Messa Jar Jar Binks!" "Oh Jar Jar, what the hell did you do this time, cause clearly you did something because my house is blowing up, exploding, detonating, and god dammit it's hot." "But, Messa Jar Jar Binks! Messa Jar Jar. AHHHHHHH! Messa hurtin!!!" Jar Jar exclaimed as he was hit by a burning piece of Padme's mom struck his ear. "OH NO-SA!!!!! MESSA JAR JAR BINKS!!!!!!" As Jar Jar was burning, he tripped and fell onto a little girl, and considering the place where Padme lived, the girls put waaaaay too much hair gel in their hair, so he was impaled on one of the girl's pointy, over-gelled pigtails. He was then engulfed in her make-up, since they use too much of that, too. (NOTE: This is where the story gets really bad, so if you actually love Star Wars and hate hearing bad things about it, you should probably pack your bags and go to a different page, cause I totally dis the entire storyline. Thanks!) I mean, come on! What the hell is up with that little lip thing that all the Naboo people do where they make themselves look all albino and stuff? Seriously, what kind of drug was George Lucas doing that day. That lip thing is just really disturbing! Sheesh! Anyways, let's review. Padme's house is blown-up, exploded, and totally bombed apart, Jar Jar I'm-a-really-annoying-fucking-dumbass-since- Messa-Jar-Jar-Binks is burned, impaled, and engulfed in makeup. Yay! So anyways, back to the story. Padme ran to her neighbor' house, it was an old lady. She went inside and called the Naboo police force, after milk and cookies and one of the old lady's classic stories. After a thorough check of the site where Padme's house used to lay, they came to a conclusion: A solicitor came and was torched since everyone hates salesmen and he fell over and caught the house. Jar Jar Binks's mangled body was recovered, and it turns out that he was alive, and healthy. "Hoooray! Messa Jar Jar Binks!!!" He shouted.  
  
Boba Fett turned the ship and decided to land on a nearby planet he was familiar with: the planet Kamino. When he landed, he was greeted by Taun We, who was shocked not to see Jango along with Boba. "What happened to your father?" Taun We asked him. "Jedi Master Mace Windu.... um, killed him." Boba replied, as he turned and walked to his dormitory that he had once shared with his father.  
  
As their ship touched down on Naboo, Anakin and Obi-Wan walked out of the ship, but both almost fainted in awe when they saw what happened to Padme's house. They were told to take Padme somewhere safe, since either a really bad person, or worse, a salesmen was after her. They decided it would be a good idea to take her to Coruscant, where a senate meeting would be taking place anyways. They were to take three other guards, a handmaiden, and Jar Jar Binks. The ship took off, and after four hours of flying and beating the crap out of Jar Jar, they arrived at Coruscant.  
  
  
  
(This concludes part one of the story. Part two will be up in an estimated week or so (6-20-02) Oh yeah, and none of the characters above are mine. This is my little disclaimer thingy. Thanks for wasting your time on my writing!) 


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